Glenn Geher, Scott Barry Kaufman

A wise man once told me, “As a man, you have to die once in order to live.” I never fully appreciated his advice, nor did I understand it until I experienced it firsthand. From that time on, I understood the origins of the Jerk vs. Nice Guy battle. Readers may be asking themselves, “What in the world is this guy talking about?” Well, I’m referring to the widely known fact that women habitually date men that are jerks while the “nice” guys are often left twiddling their thumbs in solitaire. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Figuratively speaking, in order for a man to enjoy the company of women and be able to seduce them, his inner nice guy must first die through heartache. It is at this point that his inner bad boy surfaces and goes on the prowl.

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3 Responses to Glenn Geher, Scott Barry Kaufman

  1. shinichi says:

    Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love

    by Glenn Geher and Scott Barry Kaufman

    Psychologists often paint a picture of human mating as visceral, instinctual. But that’s not the whole story. In courtship and display, sexual competition and rivalry, we are also guided by what Glenn Geher and Scott Barry Kaufman call Mating Intelligence–a range of mental abilities that have evolved to help us find the right partner. Mating Intelligence is at work in our efforts to form, maintain, and end relationships. It guides us in flirtation, foreplay, copulation, finding and choosing a mate, and many other behaviors.

    In Mating Intelligence Unleashed, psychologists Geher and Kaufman take readers on a fascinating tour of the crossroads of mating and intelligence, drawing on cutting-edge research on evolutionary psychology, intelligence, creativity, personality, social psychology, neuroscience, and more. The authors show that despite what you may read in the latest issue of Maxim, Playboy, Vogue, or GQ, physical attractiveness isn’t the whole story. Human mating draws on a range of mental skills and attributes–from the creative use of pick-up lines, to displays of charisma, intelligence, humor, personality, and compassion. Along the way, the authors shed new light on age-old questions, such as: What role does personality play in mating? Which traits are attractive–and which traits repulse? How do people really choose mates? How do men and women deceive each other? How important is emotional intelligence? Why do people create art–and does it have anything to do with sex? Do nice guys really finish last?

    Since Glenn Geher coined the term Mating Intelligence in 2006, it has drawn a great deal of media attention, ranging from a Psychology Today cover story to articles in the New Scientist, the Washington Times, the Huffington Post, and elsewhere. Now, in Mating Intelligence Unleashed, readers will have the first full account of this revolutionary new approach to dating, mating, and love.

  2. shinichi says:

    Sex is constantly on the mind. When we’re not thinking about sex, we are thinking about how to get it. Let’s face it: the mating world doesn’t play by simple rules. Contradictions, paradoxes, and ambiguities are apparent at every stage. The consequence is that we are consumed by thoughts related to mating. Early in relationship formation, we are focused on physical attractiveness and the overall value of potential mates as well as our own mate value. In this mate-selection phase of mating, we often ask questions such as, Is she into me? Is she attractive?… Is she attractive enough? What would my friends and family think of her? How can I get her into bed tonight? Is she long-term material?

    As we move further into courtship, other universal questions consume us: Am I ready to have sex with him? Is that thing he does when he eats cute? quirky? benign?… or downright gross!? Does he always wear shirts like that? Is his apparent kindness genuine? Is he really going to quit smoking? Is he going to be a success?

    When in the throes of along-term relationship, a host of other thoughts consume the normal adult mating mind: Does he really love me? Do I really love him? What has happened to our sex life? Is he interested in what’s-her-name sexually— and, if not, why does it feel like he is? Why am I not turned on anymore? Why do I no longer find him funny? Does he still find me sexy?… Am I sexy? I wish he would pay more attention to me and the kids. Does he really “have to” go out on three business dinners this week? Why does he always have “business meetings” with her?

    Human mating is complex. Mating psychology involves an intricate combination of emotions, physical responses, deep (and often uncontrollable) urges, and many cognitive mechanisms. Many times in your life you have undoubtedly shaken your head in confusion while watching or participating in the mating domain.

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