Category Archives: love

Eric Berne

Some say that one-sided love is better than none, but like half a loaf of bread, it is likely to grow hard and moldy sooner.

Ginny Brown

Saying “I can’t stop thinking about the person I love because my dopamine is high and serotonin is low” doesn’t change the reality of that feeling. The feelings are just as strong and real after we have names for the hormones that contribute to them as they were before.
But knowing the biological basics can give you hope, though. I don’t know about you, but when I’m feeling something strongly, I tend to assume I will feel that way forever. I know it’s not true, but I have a hard time really believing that I’ll ever experience anything but the soul-searing pain I’m in right now.
In those moments, it can be helpful to remember that my feelings are related to the surges of hormones in my brain, and that it is completely normal and expected for those hormones to show up under these circumstances.
It doesn’t negate the feelings or diminish their importance. It just puts them in context.

Haruki Murakami

Sometimes when I look at you, I feel I’m gazing at a distant star. It’s dazzling, but the light is from tens of thousands of years ago. Maybe the star doesn’t even exist any more. Yet sometimes that light seems more real to me than anything.



Jean-Michel Jakobowicz

Amour ou amitié ? Cette question débouche immanquablement sur une autre, que l’on se pose dès l’adolescence et qui est : « est-il possible d’avoir des liens d’amitié avec une personne du sexe opposé ? ». Ce qui est très intéressant, c’est que cette question que l’on se pose assez tôt dans la vie peut nous poursuive pendant très longtemps à l’âge adulte…
En réalité, trois cas de figures se présentent : le premier que je souhaiterais aborder relève d’un lien d’amitié qui existe sans aucune arrière-pensée sexuelle ou amoureuse. Les deux personnes sont simplement amies au-delà de leur sexe, et ne ressentent pas le besoin de faire évoluer leur relation sur le terrain amoureux.
La seconde situation est plus problématique : elle survient lorsque l’un des deux partenaires ressent un sentiment amoureux à l’égard de son ami(e), tandis que celui-ci/celle-ci reste dans une « simple » configuration amicale. Enfin, le troisième cas apparaît lorsque les deux amis éprouvent l’un envers l’autre des sentiments amoureux qu’ils n’osent pas, pour diverses raisons, s’avouer mutuellement.



Anna Pasternak

The heartbreaking story of the passionate love affair between Boris Pasternak and Olga Ivinskaya – the tragic true story that inspired Doctor Zhivago. `Doctor Zhivago’ has sold in its millions yet the true love story that inspired it has never been fully explored. Pasternak would often say `Lara exists, go and meet her’, directing his visitors to the love of his life and literary muse, Olga Ivinskaya. They met in 1946 at the literary journal where she worked. Their relationship would last for the remainder of their lives. Olga paid an enormous price for loving `her Boria’. She became a pawn in a highly political game and was imprisoned twice in Siberian labour camps because of her association with him and his controversial work. Her story is one of unimaginable courage, loyalty, suffering, tragedy, drama and loss. Drawing on both archival and family sources, Anna Pasternak’s book reveals for the first time the critical role played by Olga in Boris’s life and argues that without Olga it is likely that Doctor Zhivago would never have been completed or published.

David Lewis

There is no doubt that chocolate beats kissing hands down when it comes to providing a long-lasting body and brain buzz.
A buzz that, in many cases, lasted four times as long as the most passionate kiss.


夏目漱石が「I love you」を「月が綺麗ですね」と訳したとされる根拠となる文献はないか。(岐阜県図書館)







近代に入り、西洋での語義、すなわち英語の「love」やフランス語の「amour」などの語義が導入された。その際に、「1. キリスト教の愛の概念、2.ギリシア的な愛の概念、3. ロマン主義小説の恋愛至上主義での愛の概念」などの異なる概念が同時に流れ込み、現在の多様な用法が作られてきた。



Victor Frankl

A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth–that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world may still know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved. In a position of utter desolation, when a man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way–an honorable way–in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment. For the first time in my life, I was able to understand the words, “The angels are lost in perpetual contemplation of an infinite glory.”

Manic Loveless

Love is a curious thing, and we as humans have studied it since the ancient times. Cultures from all over the world have their own take on what is “true love”, and it means something different to everyone. To some, love is a warm feeling in the pit of your stomach. For others, it is a trust and bond that only a select few are privilege to.
There are even some who’d say they would die or kill for love.

Kris Gage

Too often, we think love is supposed to be manic
People celebrate “losing themselves,” and “falling” for someone; they get tossed and turned like they have no say in the matter; they let themselves get pulled emotionally willy nilly and chalk it up as “passion.”
“Relationships take work,” we tell ourselves. But we’ve misconstrued what that “work” is supposed to mean.
“Boring” is better than “impassioned,” and while most great relationships have a blend of both, forced to choose, we should readily take the former.Consistently warm is far more hospitable than hot and cold for long-term emotional wellbeing.
Boring is beautiful
By “boring,” I mean stability, consistency, reliability. We can hang our hat on these things; we can only build on a solid, unwavering foundation.

Kris Gage

What makes us happy?

  • Focusing on what we can control (which is only ourselves)
  • Committing (ourselves) to our partner  —  love them healthily and hard, every day.

The only thing we control is us. And “marriage” is about commitment, but it starts and ends with our own.  And after that, we only need to respect our partners as their own person, separate from us, who commit to us not by contract, but choice.

Caroline Zielinski

Despite today’s popular view that marriage equals love, matrimony is not actually grounded in love or intimacy: historically, it was a strategic alliance between two families, more often than not orchestrated by the families to ensure long-term stability and prosperity for the maximum amount of people.

Laurel Stewart

People seem to have a pretty good understanding of what love feels like, and we do a good job respecting love as an important feeling. But our culture sends a pretty contradictory message about what commitment is. We say marriage requires love and commitment, and yet somehow “love is all you need” prevails as a logical sentiment. Our collective divorce rate speaks for our confusion.

J. Richard Cookerly

What pops up in your mind when you see the words “intimate love”? Lots of people think of something sexual. Others think of something powerfully and very personally emotional. There are a good many other people who think about both ecstatic sex and various intensely pleasurable, psychological states interwoven together.
The term “intimate love” can mean a surprisingly wide range of different things to different people.
Intimacy in a love relationship can mean knowing another and being known by another in incredible ways. It also can mean a sense of wonderful closeness, fervent shared eroticism combined with a marvelous sense of loving and being loved in very personal ways.

Kemi Amushan

I know that one of the best feelings in the world is holding the person you love close to your heart and body; to connect mentally, emotionally and physically. We don’t realize it but our intimate relationships teach us a lot about the people we love and even more about ourselves. So what really is intimacy?


I choose to love you in silence … for in silence I find no rejection,
I choose to love you in loneliness … for in loneliness no one owns you but me,
I choose to adore you from a distance … for distance will shield me from pain,
I choose to kiss you in the wind … for the wind is gentler than my lips,
I choose to hold you in my dreams … for in my dreams, you have no end.





Vladimir Nabokov

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita. Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Lolita at all had I not loved, one summer, an initial girl-child. In a princedom by the sea. Oh when? About as many years before Lolita was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns.














Surabhi Surendra





「愛するとは、尽きない油をもって輝くこと。愛されることは滅びゆくが、愛することは持続する ―― 」というリルケの言葉が印象に残っている。
「自分で納得し、やっていけるのは、結局、自分の中にある愛だけなのだ ―― 」という私の大好きなピーター・フォンダの言葉!



  • 重いつわりや難産、マタニティブルーや産後うつに苦しんだ。メンタルヘルスの問題がある
  • 望まない妊娠で、仕事などやりたかった道の断念を余儀なくされた
  • まとまった時間を寝てくれない、ずっと抱っこしていないと泣くなど、子どもが育てにくい個性をもっている
  • 義両親や夫、地域から孤立していて、身近に味方がいないと感じる
  • 自分自身が幼少期に愛されずに育った
  • 自分自身のことがどうしても好きになれない
  • 関係がうまくいっていない夫や義両親、実両親と、子どもが似ていると感じる
  • よいママでありたい、ダメなママだと思われたくないと常に思う


Robert Sternberg

Combinations of intimacy, passion, commitment
Infatuated love(夢中な愛)
Empty love(空っぽな愛)
Romantic love(ロマンティックな愛)
Companionate love(友愛)
Fatuous love(愚かな愛)
Consummate love(完璧な愛)



Avivah Wittenberg-Cox

With children departing into their own journeys and ever-longer lives stretching out ahead, more mature adults are leaping, unconventionally and aspirationally, at a last chance at love.
Most of the existing literature discourages them. The dominant mantra of books, counsellors and media is that ‘staying together’ is the superior, admirable choice. They insist that romantic dreams of great sex and soul mates are the Disney-esque yearnings of the naively immature. This book argues the contrary. Great relationships are not only attainable; they are a natural and admirable goal for ageing humans.

Cheryl Rice

Confusing love with longing happens when we label the painful yet exhilarating sensation of yearning for someone we cannot have as ‘love’. But in fact, that sensation, and the fantasies it fuels, has more to do with the unmet needs of our childhood than true love. And not only that, (and to make matters worse?) that compulsive craving actually distracts us from finding and receiving the available intimacy we deserve.


「憧れの人」: 職場の一回り年上の人なんだけど、すごく仲が良くて、何でも言えて、その時間が心底楽しいと思える。でもその人は既婚者で、最近子供も生まれたばかりで、不倫にも程遠い人。昔の初恋の人にそっくりで、その人としゃべってると、そのときのことも思い出してしまう。目が合うと、目だけで会話したりする。ドキドキするから好きなんだろうけど、いわゆる「男女の仲」には絶対なりたくないかな。何かキレイな存在っていうか、奇麗事でない現実にあって、唯一キレイな部分っていうか・・・でも、既婚者にそんな感情抱いてる時点でもうキレイじゃないんだろうけど(苦笑)。
「好きな人」: 現在の彼氏です。出会ったのは3年前の学生時代の頃なんだけど、色々あって付き合えなくて、最近やっと再会して付き合うようになった人。3年間、彼は私の中では理想の人であり続けたけど、憧れではなかったな。けど、やっぱり付き合うとなったらいいとこ取りじゃなくて、相手の嫌なところとか、生活してる部分とか、決してきれいじゃない部分をたくさん見なくちゃならない。それを承知で一緒にいたいと思えるのが好きなんだと思う。

Fernando Pessoa

We never love anyone. What we love is the idea we have of someone. It’s our own concept – our own selves – that we love.
Love is essential. Sex, a mere accident.
They were two and beautiful and wanted to be something else; love delayed itself to them in the tedium of the future, and regret of what would happen to be was already being the daughter of the love they hadn’t had.
There is no happiness without knowledge. But knowledge of happiness is unhappy; for knowing ourselves happy is knowing ourselves passing through happiness, and having to, immediatly at once, leave it behind. To know is to kill, in happiness as in everything. Not to know, though, is not to exist.

Martine Laronche

Internet serait-il devenu un moyen de rencontre parmi d’autres ? En réalité, l’amour numérique ne répond pas aux mêmes règles que la rencontre dans une soirée ou au bureau, bref dans la vraie vie. Plus intense, il s’embrase vite avec les mots, mais le passage à la réalité peut être très décevant.

Isaac Asimov

We must not be taken in by the myth of youth, the unending propaganda to the effect that young men are younger than old men; that they are better looking; that they are slimmer, stronger and more athletic; that they can hold a girl in more romantic fashion and speak more sweetly.
Nonsense! Pure balderdash put out by a secret organization of clean old men whose design it is to conquer the world and who use the unwitting young as fronts and dupes.
The fact of the matter is that young men lack skill and experience and are very likely to approach a girl as though she were a sack of wheat. It is the old man—suave, debonair, maturely charming—who knows exactly what to do and how to do it, and is therefore better at it.



Naomi Alderman

To move forward, we’ll need to admit that the problem doesn’t lie with a few bad apple abusers but with a whole culture that imagines that women don’t really have sexual desire, that we need to be cajoled, persuaded, seduced, manipulated, blackmailed or even outright forced into it. There will be need to be complicated and prolonged conversations between young men and young women about what constitutes consent, what is an abuse of power, why we encourage men — who are already taller, stronger, more muscled — to be the sexual aggressors, while still presuming that girls will make themselves pretty and wait around to be asked.
These prolonged conversations will feel awkward and unsexy. They will slow us down, and seem unnatural. Men may feel a little “more inhibited about flirting.” So might women. We might have to actually ask, yes, ask, “would you like to kiss me?” “Would you like to have sex?” Like many verbalizations of important and necessary social change the words may feel odd in our mouths until we have said them again and again. But we will practice, until it feels easier. The alternative — trying to cram all this ordure back into its closet and forget we ever saw it — is, I hope, unthinkable.

Alain de Botton

The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste (he or she doesn’t exist), but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently — the person who is good at disagreement. Rather than some notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate differences with generosity that is the true marker of the “not overly wrong” person. Compatibility is an achievement of love; it must not be its precondition.
Romanticism has been unhelpful to us; it is a harsh philosophy. It has made a lot of what we go through in marriage seem exceptional and appalling. We end up lonely and convinced that our union, with its imperfections, is not “normal.” We should learn to accommodate ourselves to “wrongness,” striving always to adopt a more forgiving, humorous and kindly perspective on its multiple examples in ourselves and in our partners.


Here’s the thing about people with good hearts. They give you excuses when you don’t explain yourself. They accept apologies you don’t give. They see the best in you when you don’t need them to. At your worst, they lift you up, even if it means putting their priorities aside. The word “busy” does not exist in their dictionary. They make time, even when you don’t. And you wonder why they’re the most sensitive people. You wonder why they’re the most caring people. You wonder why they are willing to give so much of themselves with no expectation in return. You wonder why their existence is not so essential to your well-being. It’s because they don’t make you work hard for the attention they give you. They accept the love they think they’ve earned and you accepted the love you think you’re entitled to. Let me tell you something. Fear the day when a good heart gives up on you. Our skies don’t become grey out of no where. Our sunshine does not allow the darkness to take over for no reason. A heart does not turn cold unless it’s been treated with coldness for a while.

Ingrid Bergman

IngridBergmanDear Mr. Rossellini,

I saw your films Open City and Paisan, and enjoyed them very much. If you need a Swedish actress who speaks English very well, who has not forgotten her German, who is not very understandable in French, and who in Italian knows only “ti amo,” I am ready to come and make a film with you.

Ingrid Bergman



Erich Fromm

Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision.

Love isn’t something natural. Rather it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism. It isn’t a feeling, it is a practice.

Natasha Lennard

It has not, by any measure, been a Summer of Love; more like a Summer of Anxiety, Fear and Hate. It would be facile to respond to recent events — political upheaval, mass murder, police violence and festering racism — with a call to “love.” But in extreme times, it’s worth considering: Can love (as we know it) act as a radical force rather than a distraction? Does our current idea of love need revision? Is there a new kind of love emerging in new social movements, one that works against the narrow kind of love fostered by capitalism?


I choose to love you in silence … for in silence I find no rejection,
I choose to love you in loneliness … for in loneliness no one owns you but me,
I choose to adore you from a distance … for distance will shield me from pain,
I choose to kiss you in the wind … for the wind is gentler than my lips,
I choose to hold you in my dreams … for in my dreams, you have no end.

Sylvie Angel

(En 2014, 214 000 mariages ont été célébrés en France, pour 120 568 divorces. Près d’un couple sur deux divorce aujourd’hui.)
Si l’infidélité est une cause fréquente de discorde au sein du couple, les disputes concernant l’éducation des enfants, le laxisme ou au contraire l’autoritarisme de l’un ou l’autre des conjoints à l’égard des enfants font partie des plaintes multiples.
Les couples se disputent pour tout : les détails et l’organisation (ou l’inorganisation) de la vie quotidienne laminent, usent et, à force de linge sale qui traîne, de tubes de dentifrice mal rebouchés, de lumières pas éteintes, de factures pas payées ou de rôtis brûlés, on en vient à des aspects plus graves.
Il y a un siècle, le mariage reposait sur les intérêts communs de deux familles. Aujourd’hui, on se marie librement, contre l’assentiment familial même.
A une époque où l’on prône l’individualisme, l’efficacité et l’épanouissement de soi, ce choix désormais individuel présuppose que le couple doit être parfait.
Il est difficile de cocher toutes les cases. Et, au moindre problème, je vais considérer que je peux trouver mieux ailleurs et qu’il n’y a pas de raison que je gère ce qui n’est pas parfait… tout en me détournant de mes propres imperfections !
On quitte souvent les gens pour les mêmes raisons pour lesquelles on les a aimés, disait le psychanalyste anglais Adam Phillips. Les idiosyncrasies de l’autre qui faisaient son charme dégénèrent en défauts lassants, en tares irrémédiables, en vices inadmissibles.
Parfois, on a des raisons précises, parfois non.
Parfois, ce sont juste les chemins qui divergent faute d’avoir échangé, communiqué et partagé.


「愛するとは、尽きない油をもって輝くこと。愛されることは滅びゆくが、愛することは持続する ―― 」というリルケの言葉が印象に残っている。
「自分で納得し、やっていけるのは、結局、自分の中にある愛だけなのだ ―― 」という私の大好きなピーター・フォンダの言葉!






二村ヒトシ, 藤沢数希

二村 藤沢さんはテクノロジーの人だから、統計学や生物学から考えられる「性差」といった面、それと「市場原理」の法則から、恋愛工学を編み出したわけでしょう。僕は恋愛や性の問題を、自覚できていない異性へのコンプレックスとか、親との関係の中で生じてしまった「その人の性質」から見るのが好きなんです。それらはスッキリと“解決”できるものじゃないかもしれないけど、自覚することでそれまで困難だったラクな恋愛や楽しいセックスができるようになる人も多い、ということを示せたらいいなと。
藤沢 そういう心の問題を考えるというか、そういうアプローチでやっている学者もいますし、そういう切り口が大好きな人がたくさんいるのは僕もよく理解しています。ただ、恋愛工学はなんといっても工学なんですよ。たくさんの男の人がセックスしたいと思ってるわけです。できれば売春とかではなく、自由恋愛でね。だったら、それを効率よくするにはどうすればいいか、と僕は考えるんです。物事をなるべくシンプルにしたい。

Charles Baudelaire

A une passante
La rue assourdissante autour de moi hurlait.
Longue, mince, en grand deuil, douleur majestueuse,
Une femme passa, d’une main fastueuse
Soulevant, balançant le feston et l’ourlet ;
Agile et noble, avec sa jambe de statue.
Moi, je buvais, crispé comme un extravagant,
Dans son oeil, ciel livide où germe l’ouragan,
La douceur qui fascine et le plaisir qui tue.
Un éclair… puis la nuit ! – Fugitive beauté
Dont le regard m’a fait soudainement renaître,
Ne te verrai-je plus que dans l’éternité ?
Ailleurs, bien loin d’ici ! trop tard ! jamais peut-être !
Car j’ignore où tu fuis, tu ne sais où je vais,
Ô toi que j’eusse aimée, ô toi qui le savais !


満たされた時代に生まれた と大人は僕らを揶揄した
どこに安寧があるのだと 気付いた時にはもう遅かった
不穏な煙が立ち昇り あれは何だと騒ぎ立てた
奴から順に消えて行った 今じゃ町ごと墓場だ

土砂降りの雨の中を 傘もささないで歩いた
「傘が無い」と口ずさむけど むしろ傘を買う金が無い
狭いアパートに戻っても 惨めでまた死にたくなった
「お買い求めはお急ぎを」 とテレビだけが嫌に賑やかだ

未来には期待しないよ 息も出来ないよ 夜の闇の中 不安で眠れない
愛されるだとか 愛するんだとか それ以前に僕ら 愛を買わくちゃ
消費せよ 消費せよ それ無しではこの先 生きてけない
消費せよ 消費せよ それこそが君を救うのだ

急いで買いに行かなきゃ 誰よりも多く買わなきゃ 奪ってでも手に入れなきゃ

Hermann Hesse

PeterCamenzindAs for love, I must confess to having retained a youthful attitude to it all my life. For me, the love of women has been a purifying act of adoration, a flame shooting straight up from my melancholy, my hands stretched in prayer toward the blue heavens. Owing to my mother’s influence and my own indistinct premonitions, I venerated womankind as an alien race, beautiful and enigmatic, superior to men by virtue of inborn beauty and constancy of character, a race which we must hold sacred. For, like stars and blue mountain heights, they are remote from us men and appear to be nearer to God. Since life did not always treat me gently, the love of women has been as bitter for me as it has been sweet. Although I still cherish women, my chosen role of solemn priest has often changed all too quickly into the painfully comic one of fool.

Adrian Lee


The Land of the Rising Sun is now the world’s second biggest producer of single malt whisky. However it’s not such a surprising statistic given the remarkable role a Scots woman played in the origins of the Japanese whisky industry.
Born in 1896, Rita Cowan was the daughter of a doctor. The path of Rita’s life changed when a shy Japanese student called Masataka Taketsuru arrived at the family home, in Kirkintilloch, near Glasgow, in 1919. The 25-year-old had been sent to Scotland to study distilling methods by the founders of the fledgling Japanese whisky industry. He was a handsome man with a black-belt in jujitsu and a love of hunting and fishing.
The couple fell in love and were married the following year, at Glasgow Register Office, despite fierce opposition from both their families.

Michel de Montaigne

Si l’on me presse de dire pourquoi je l’aimais, je sens que cela ne se peut exprimer qu’en répondant: « Parce que c’était lui, parce que c’était moi ».

Luminita Saviuc

I always say that where there is anger, hate, revenge, bitterness, there is also a lot of pain underneath, and I really believe that to be true. A person who is blissful and content with herself and the world around, no matter how many mean people she will encounter and no matter how much pain those people may cause her to feel, she will always respond with love, kindness and compassion instead of anger, hate and resentment.

Emery Allen

I think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul. This world is so guarded and fearful. I appreciate rawness so much.

Tim McEown

Sarah is now 30 and I am 52. If things take their natural turn, the arithmetic is that she probably will watch me die instead of me watching her. I painted that likelihood for her in neon three and a half years ago, but she never wavered in her decision to marry me.
There is an obvious connection to be made between rehabilitating my physical heart and what Sarah has helped me change in my life. Every day that I wake up and everything seems to be working correctly is a good day, and I am grateful for that. But the metaphorical heart — the heart that shows us the difference between simply living and actually feeling alive — is the one I have come to cherish above all else.