3 thoughts on “共依存（Co-dependency）”

1. shinichi Post author22/01/2023 at 5:26 am

   共依存

   ウィキペディア
   https://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/共依存

   共依存者には以下の特徴が見られる。

   ・相手をコントロールしたがる
   ・相手に依存せずにはいられない
   ・現実を直視できない
   ・他人の面倒を見たがる（世話を焼きたがる）
   ・抑圧的である
   ・強迫観念にとらわれやすい
   ・他人との境界があいまいである
   ・信頼感を喪失している
   ・怒りの感情が正常に働かない
   ・行動が両極端である

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2. shinichi Post author22/01/2023 at 8:04 pm

   Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

   1986
   by Melody Beattie

   The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America’s best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life.

   Is someone else’s problem your problem? If, like so many others, you’ve lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to someone else’s, you may be codependent–and you may find yourself in this book–Codependent No More.The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America’s best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life.

   With instructive life stories, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests, Codependent No More is a simple, straightforward, readable map of the perplexing world of codependency–charting the path to freedom and a lifetime of healing, hope, and happiness.

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3. shinichi Post author22/01/2023 at 8:05 pm

   Although its clinical definition is still settling, the symptoms, problems, coping mechanisms, and reactions of all forms of codependency are consistent.

   These characteristics are often learned in childhood, or adopted as coping mechanisms when we find ourselves enmeshed with unhealthy individuals.

   Beattie goes into great detail throughout the book identifying the characteristics of codependency, but here is a condensed version.

   Codependents often:

   • Feel responsible for other people’s needs, feelings, thoughts, behaviors and well-being;
   • Feel almost forced to help others, regardless of whether they actually want to help;
   • Say yes when they really mean no, doing things they don’t want to do;
   • Don’t know what they want or need, or feel their wants are unimportant;
   • Try to please others instead of themselves;
   • Feel safest when giving, and are attracted to needy people;
   • Blame others for their feelings and struggles;
   • Come from troubled, repressed, or dysfunctional families;
   • Have little to no self-worth, and border on self-hatred;
   • Feel overwhelmed with guilt and shame;
   • Get artificial feelings of self-worth from helping others;
   • Appear rigid and controlled;
   • Worry excessively over minor things;
   • Lose sleep over other people’s problems or behaviors;
   • Go to extreme lengths to control others (flushing alcohol, forcing therapy…);
   • Struggle with debilitating depression and wonder why they can’t get anything done;
   • Try to control events and people through helplessness, guilt, coercion, threats, advice-giving, manipulation, or domination;
   • Pretend circumstances aren’t as bad as they are;
   • Desperately seek love and approval, often from people incapable of providing it;
   • Don’t take time to see if other people are good enough for them;
   • Lose interest in their own lives when they enter into relationships;
   • Latch onto whatever or whoever they think can provide happiness;
   • Don’t say what they mean, or say only what they think others want to hear;
   • Struggle with setting and maintaining healthy boundaries; and
   • Feel controlled by other people’s emotions — namely anger.

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